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You Have It and I Don't Anymore

by Jye Ant

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1.
harnessing my waves again i never skipped a class before embarrassment from walking in i can't do nothing anymore when is the best me, when is he coming? where is the best me? cuz only the best men win the addict eats my brain and feasts upon my skin, upon my teeth the radiance is draining from the heart and smile of my mom i wanna stop this, i wanna begin what the hell is best for me? everything is everything but someday soon it will not be i worked for shit minimum wage enclosed are the remains of me i worked for them to please my folks now things ain't what they used to be how will i get back? when will i get on track? how will i get back? how will i fend off... the addict eats my brain and feasts upon my skin, upon my teeth the radiance is draining from the heart and smile of my mom i wanna stop this, i wanna begin what the hell is best for me? everything is everything but someday soon it will not be but someday soon it will not be
2.
Quiet Nights 03:04
factories made of paper burned down in my dreams people being so nice when I'm awake they're mean I only wanna get new dreams of doing what I used to, doing what I used to do want nothing but my youth forever like a god, I'm floating see myself, no mirror wondering where the time went no pain, no job, no fear I only wanna get new dreams of doing what I used to, doing what I used to do want nothing but my youth isn't that dreaming how I used to, dreaming how I used to dream? I want to be a teen, forever now I only get, now I only get quiet nights
3.
westward vibrations brought me here i see her give the show her all while i break my neck her smooth skin's glistening i see the stage lights shine on her i made up shit, the real me came after it most things i said were true, were true take care of me we just met but i need you advance is so slow now, slowed down, slowed down our worlds are venn diagrams the subwoofer is inside of my feet she is like no one that i've seen it is shallow inside of my psyche the loneliness was behind me, reaching great talk she's finished with my brain i tend to feel so drained, deranged our vines won't grow i let them fall apart for years i can't maintain some flow the vibes are gone so i'll be moving on for her this happens all the time the status stays this stagnant constantly the loneliness reaching behind me
4.
Colors 04:18
i had a dream you drove me to LA i guarantee I'm with you all the way i think it's sweet that you'll drive me around someday when we're old I could never have enough awakening in those early hours to your face, baby that's what I'm all about didn't see it coming, the goddess whom I'll worship all through life would be here all this time and while it seems dark you're still here with me tonight it's rough how it starts, but the colors are so very bright when you're far away you stay right here in my heart, alright when we get out of bed your presence will bless my sight your knowledge brings me all of the talks I crave and your touch turns me on as well as insane just your love has ridden me of all forms of pain it's no game, it's not something we play when you laugh it sets ablaze the room even when people have trouble understanding you you don't care and that never makes me blue here's the truth, you're the one I never want to lose and while it seems dark you're still here with me tonight it's rough how it starts, but the prospects are so very bright shawty I'd do the same because you're inside my heart, alright, always the shit I never say, I'd like for you to hear one day
5.
pull her out of the shelf and dust her off she was someone else, the way she talked the book warms my heart over again we ate out of the school in midday suns dancing like fools, dancing for fun euphoria still overwhelms me some magnets that were pulled apart some younger, dumber counterparts some convos taking time to start come ova, every night you call me every night i call both your hands move across my body baby don't you know where this leads all over again? it's you i chose dance like fools alone in your room take off your clothes oceans had fell from the sky remember the day? saw love in my eyes we kissed in the rain the moment feels so very thin since then i never took time to know someone the schemes i devised were thought and done i still regret everything some magnets that were pulled apart attraction will never change some younger, dumber counterparts i tell you that i have changed some convos taking time to start we talk to each other the same oceans had fell from the sky remember the day? saw love in my eyes we kissed in the rain the moment feels so very thin we ate out of the school in midday suns dancing like fools, dancing for fun euphoria still overwhelms me come ova, every night you call me every night i call both your hands move across my body baby don't you know where this leads all over again? it's you i chose dance like fools alone in your room take off your clothes
6.
Pangit 05:08
bordering on love sick is the very place i lived all my neighbors were pretty they have since moved away ah they never loved me if they could it would be ugly girl it feels so warm within your arms protect me from harm if the word gets out that i've been around it'll all fall apart after making it this far she will not have found she will realize what lies behind these eyes what hides behind this lie i dwell on phases i regret wishing things were different i was such a piece of shit something like subhuman my passion tore apart my pride i did anything to feel alive where two people should feel complete were empty bodies and freezing sheets ever since i've known you i have always loved you, for you does it feel warm within my arms? lemme shield you from harm now that the word is out, that i've been around so swift it'll fall apart after making it this far hope that she will find hope she will realize what lies behind these eyes what hides behind this lie all the things i do all the things i do all the things i do i do for you
7.
i want you to click these links for the rest of your life please like and subscribe right now (right now!) deny that you're wasting time the sustenance of late nights our content's worth about as much as the best cigarette you get what you get baby (baby!) this tar can corrode your brain how will you communicate? it's time to learn how to walk and talk again my old friend catch up with the leading trends right now (right now!) this world is no prison become a real person through your device we can lead you to where you want to be this is a new reality i can lead you to where you want to be no memory journey to your phone whenever you feel alone open it (open it!) and there you will sit that's pretty much it end of story it has led me to where i want to be this is the true reality it has led me to where i want to be no memory i journey to my phone whenever i feel alone i open it (open it!) usually i sit i'm fucked (i'm fucked!) i'm fixed (i'm fixed!) i fit (i fit!) inside this world
8.
my back is stretched and spotted with scars from you i almost had forgotten nights between your thighs nights between your thighs the laughter fades to silence your tears are gone i choked on mucus violently my pillowcase, i soaked my pillowcase i'm tired, and fat, and lonely i pine for you i binge on food and Netflix please come to my room please come over soon since you left i've been living since you left i've been fine since you left i've been pigging you could say that it's aight you could say i've had time the salt and vinegar is trapped in my hands it took a while now i don't try to understand try to understand the pieces separating are we over it? this is a puzzle that would stump enthusiasts stump enthusiasts since you left i've been living since you left i've been fine since you left i've been pigging you could say that it's aight you could say i've had time my back is stretched and spotted with scars from you i almost had forgotten years of wasted life years of wasted life
9.
i'm a failure, i'm a fraud to be everything you deserved was all i truly wanted from myself and when you hear this don't think that we should be back together i knew that this wouldn't last forever it felt like we were whole but we we were never really meant to be just take a couple months you'll see i have unrest socially when everyone's gone i despair cuz i got no one who is there for me anymore but i still have no doubts that you and me were both in love if only we could talk about what we could've done, what we wanted from, and what was don't think that we should be back together i knew that this wouldn't last forever it felt like we were whole but we we were never really meant to be just take a couple months and you'll see oh the moon is my salvation i'm getting the fuck out of here blasting off to the space station don't need another to drive or steer
10.
Zombie 05:11
yesterday you were so sweet it set you apart because girls that i had been with all had sour hearts how do you lose control? does everything turn red every time you do this it tears me to shreds that part of me is dead zombie, our love is just a zombie eat me, our love is just feasting on me zombie, our love is just a zombie feasting on me the first year in "forever" passed before my eyes i may have been a passive actor until our painful demise were we a thing then? or were we something more? no doubt our time was borrowed no doubt we were nothing more though your soul's liquid now in my mind you're still the same every day was so beautiful when i spent it with you our memories were not the only things that mattered our future is what i was looking forward to when i'm with you, laid next to you i did not know you had it in you i did not know you had it in you when i was with you, when i was with you when i was with you, when i was with you i felt so alive, like all this shit would pass over but now i'm dead, ah now it's dead where's the zombie's head? it's been beheaded oh yes it's done, oh yes it's done, oh yes it's done oh yes it's done, oh yes it's done, our years to come zombie, our love is just a zombie eat me, our love is just feasting on me zombie, our love is just a zombie feasting on me how could this be? how could this be the end? i swear how could this be? i swear it was gonna be you and me in the end
11.
Mi Soledad 03:54
my soledad there isn't one who can woo her she seeks nothing, no ownership of another we lack in grace, no memorable face in her favor my love rejects the thought of giving up everything She carries me in my stories The ones where she ends up with me it's not sad to feel nothing towards me, dear just live in a harmony with no one near if I offered her something it would look like a debt to be paid she don't have to fret at all some leaves, some greens, tangible things have all grown stale our love was self destructive and chaotic she could not tell, when or where he came from my love welcomes the thought of giving up She buries me in my stories the ones where she's away it's not sad to feel nothing towards me, dear just live in a harmony with someone else is near it's not sad to feel nothing towards me, dear a new companion waits the true love tier I'll offer her something so it seems like I'm through with pettiness she don't have to fret at all
12.
when I count my blessings you are the first one to come to mind you're so persistent I thought we was friends, but I was blind aren't you too young to be making promises? like how you want me from now to forever aren't you too young to be making promises? I'll have to let go after our brief time together I'll hold you for hold you for the night if no one will, I'll hold you til until the end of time you said you've lost it but maybe you've just given it some thought you say "don't be like that" I can't explain, the pain I'll be in once you're gone there must've been something in my sushi to make me fall in love so easily but girl you know how good I feel around you there must've been something in my sushi to make me fall in love so easily but girl you know it's just you and the things you do sweet things you do I'll hold you for hold you for the night if no one will, I'll hold you til until the end of time you keep my heart it flutters with your smile if you let me, girl I can be your lover at least for awhile long, it took so long for me to fall in love again

about

These are songs I have wanted out for a long time, thank goodness that day has come woot woot.

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released May 1, 2020

Written, arranged, performed, and recorded by Juan Villanueva
Mixed and mastered by Jeffrey Barlow
Artwork by Caitlin Henshaw

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Jye Ant Portland, Oregon

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